Day 77--I Got A Grip

Sorry about the anxious post earlier today. As usual, we talked it over and Torger put everything in perspective and helped me feel that everything will be fine. "Dr. Torger" basically diagnosed me with PTSD--post-transplant stress disorder--and reminded me that Dr. Tse won't actually LET us go home until he's confident that Torger is stable. He reminded me how much I've missed being at the office, and he also reminded me that we have a phone at home and only live a half mile from where I work, so it's not like I won't be able to rush home and help if there's a problem. Besides which, he's been in "patient mode" for more than half of 2008, and he's really looking forward to getting home and having a little of his life back. While I can work at the hotel, which has helped keep me sane, he's pretty constrained here and will eventually start to wither away if he can't get back to being a functioning, independent adult. My earlier post had a lot of "I's" in it, but I'm only half of the team who's been keeping this whole ship afloat. Torger's been handling the tough stuff, and if he's ready to handle the next stage, I am, too. The transition will be tough at first, if only because I'll be constantly worried for the first few days, but we're going through all this so we can get back to a normal life, not stay in a constant state of care-giving and -receiving. It's important for me to remember that we have all of medical science working to keep him alive, and he's probably not going to quit breathing now if I leave the house for a couple of hours.